I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
