Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
