he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
