Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
