If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize