Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
