I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
