i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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