Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
