i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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