This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
