you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I enjoy the company of your penis
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
