dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
