It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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