I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
