Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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