I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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