I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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