I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I sprained my soul last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
