the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
