I want to make a zoo with you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
