Duck Duck Cougar?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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