when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
