I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
