3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
