she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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