I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
