Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
