Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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