Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
