It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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