you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
