That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize