you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
