Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
