He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize