I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
