oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
