I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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