i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
