My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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