omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
