So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
