Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
