dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
