smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
