he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
