Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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