I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
