Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
a search helicopter?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
