she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
