Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
