Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
