im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
