he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
