Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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