You made me cry and you don't even care
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize