The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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