Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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