Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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