I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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