Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
