so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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