I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
