the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
