Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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