We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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