I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
