I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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