two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize