after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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