I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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