So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
