Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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