Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
