Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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