Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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