i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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