A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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