Non-Jews are for practice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
