Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
