Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
