walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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