I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
