just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
