Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
