you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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