when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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