life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
