hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
