my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
