Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
