Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
