so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i believe in u and ur pee
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize