im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
