shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
