it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize