ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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