its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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