Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
