your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
