So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
