I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
