but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
two words: eviction party
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
