so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
