it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
