it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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