I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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