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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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